Jan
25
Role-Play and Perspective
Filed Under Publications | 2 Comments
A couple of very different pieces of mine have gone up at Every Day Fiction and Every Day Poets over the last couple of days. The first one, “Role-Play”, is a very short flash on corporate bonding. Fairly insubstantial, but it amused me. The second one, “Perspective”, is a bit more serious, and is – sadly – based on a real event. RIP Maurice (who, in case you’re wondering, was originally known as Wallace, but acquired a new moniker when Mrs P shouted at him for misbehaving and accidentally combined his name with his brother Marvin).
Jan
16
Cyprus Delight
Filed Under Festivals and Conferences, Publications, Verulam Writers' Circle | 2 Comments
Very quick post because I’m recovering from a severe bout of man flu. My poem “Cyprus Delight”, which was highly commended in last year’s New Writer competition, is in the very latest edition of the magazine, on page 49. It’s always nice to see something in print, especially a poem.
The other good thing that’s happened in the last few days is that my workshop at the Get Writing 2012 conference has sold out. I’m really pleased about this because last time I did one, back in 2008, I had an audience of two plus some chums from the Verulam Writers’ Circle who took pity on me. Suppose I’d better get going on preparing my workshop then. But first I have a talk to Harrow Writers to do this Thursday – if you’re in the area, do drop in.
Dec
20
Lost for Words, amongst other things
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My satirical poem “Lost for Words” is up at Ink, Sweat and Tears today. It’s the first poem I’ve had published for a while, and I’m quite pleased it’s at IS&T because I’m pretty certain it was their guidelines I read a while back that included the warning that anything containing the word “shards” would probably not make it as far as publication. Which ultimately set me off on the train of thought that led to this poem.
Also today I found out that my story “How I Became a New Man, and What Good It Did Me” has now been published in translation in the German magazine WortMosaik, alongside Valerie O’Riordan in the Internationale Literatur section. I’m really looking forward to getting my hands on a print copy, just so I can see my work in a language that I don’t speak. The original may be found here, by the way.
In other news, I’m really pleased that Camille Gooderham Campbell, head honcho of Every Day Publishing, has chosen to recommend Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens for the Advent Book Blog. Whilst I’m on the subject of Every Day Publishing, I’d also like to draw your attention to their latest project, Every Day Novels, which starts in the new year with K.C.Ball’s “Lifting up Veronica”. K.C. is a superb writer and I’m really looking forward to reading this.
Finally, I really should have been writing Part 2 of the Mrs Darcy Christmas Special today. But instead it struck me that Wickhampedia really should have an article on Regency Christmas. So I wrote one. Wickhampedia is one of the things I’m most proud of this year and I’m slightly sad it hasn’t attracted more of a fanbase outside the people who know me already. Maybe it’s just a bit too odd. Or possibly just not funny enough. You can never tell.
Dec
16
140 And Counting and Other Stuff
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Right then. Got your Kindle handy? Good. Here’s a twitter anthology for you, from the splendid 7×20 magazine. I’m in there, with a twitter haiku, and there’s loads of other good stuff too from a wide variety of tweeters. If you’re in the UK, you can download it here, otherwise you’ll need to go here.
In other news, my good friend Oscar Windsor-Smith has come up with a Christmas present guide which for some reason includes Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens, alongside such other gems as The Archangel and the White Hart. Do you need any more recommendation than that? (He’s also spot on about Vanessa Gebbie’s The Coward’s Tale, which I’ve only just finished and is absolutely wonderful. Make sure you buy that one as well.)
Finally, this year’s Christmas Special for Mrs Darcy has turned into a bit of an epic. The first of two parts may be found here. To make things even more complicated, it’s actually a sequel to last year’s special. Thinking about it, it’s only a matter of time before the word count in the specials outnumbers the original.
Nov
14
Everything I Know About Storytelling I Learnt From Bobby Gentry
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Thought it was about time I posted something at The View From Here, seeing as I’m now one of the crew. I’ve been meaning to do something along these lines for a while, because this song is one of my all-time favourites and it actually gets even better once you understand why it works.
Some things fall apart under close analysis, but the sheer brilliance of this blows me away every time. It’s actually giving me shivers thinking about it now.
The only other song I can remember her singing is actually someone else’s, Bacharach and David’s “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again”, which contains what must be one of the worst rhymes of all time:
“What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he’ll never phone ya…”
Just goes to show, even Hal David’s had a few bad days.
Oct
10
Dinner with Sylvia
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Today we make a brief return to the world of short stories. My piece “Dinner with Sylvia”, a story about some meat with unusual qualities, is in the last-ever edition of “The Battered Suitcase”, which you can get hold of here.
This is a story that searched long and hard for a home – much to my surprise, because there are plenty of lesser stories of mine that have been published. Still, who am I to judge?) Anyway, do take a look.
And if you’re in London tomorrow evening, do head over to The Phoenix in Cavendish Square, where by an odd coincidence a piece of mine called “Rare Meat” is going to be read at Liars’ League. Hmmm. There’s a bit of a theme developing here.
Finally, June Gundlack has reviewed Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens for issue #12 of The Pages magazine. No meat in this one, but a lot of tentacles.
Sep
28
Blog Tour, Day 28
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Well, I have a treat for you today and that’s no mistake. Mrs Darcy is visiting none other than Lord Likely, the priapic brainchild of the genius known as Andy Fanton. Andy’s day job is an artist, creating comic strips for The Dandy amongst other things, which makes him massively cool (and would have seriously impressed my son a few years back when he was a regular reader). He is also an utterly hilarious writer and if you haven’t encountered Lord Likely before, I urge you to do so.
Anyway, for today’s blog tour stop, he and I concocted a special episode between us entitled – not surprisingly – Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens versus Lord Likely. Actually, Andy did most of the work – I just inserted a few paragraphs in the middle. I think the end result is rather spiffy, don’t you? I particularly like this line (one of Andy’s):
“First the tentacles,” I squeaked, “and now my testicles.”
Genius.
In other news, Bec Zugor has issued a rather amusing addendum to her interview with Mrs Darcy the other day. And I forgot to mention a new publication of mine, in issue 7 of The Right-Eyed Deer. This is a short piece entitled “Value for Money”. On reading it back, I was slightly worried about my use of the phrase “feral kids”, as it’s become a bit of an unpleasant Daily Mail cliché lately. Then I remembered it was set in a garden centre, so these are middle-class feral kids. Which makes it all right.
Aug
19
Now We Are (Practising Safe) Sex
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A long time ago, when the kids still needed booster seats for car journeys, we used to pass the time by listening to a wonderful series of cassettes called “Hello Children Everywhere”. These were brilliant compilations of the old stuff that kids of my generation used to listen to on Children’s Favourites.
I say brilliant, but I have to say that after a while a number of them used to get more than a little irritating. Actually, most of them did – with the exception of an utterly amazing track just called “Trains” which sounded as if it had been transcribed from a 78.
But the one that consistently used to set my teeth on edge was this one:
You just don’t get accents like that any more, do you? David Starkey’d probably love it.
I think it was probably this performance that caused me to set my love for A.A.Milne to one side for a moment and write this. Best put your paws over your ears, Pooh Bear. This is grown-up stuff.
(BTW I love the automatic advert that comes up when I view the page. You can’t make that kind of thing up.)
Aug
5
The Unsleepers
Filed Under Mrs Darcy, Publications | 2 Comments
… is now up at The View from Here. Like most of the things I’ve written lately, I’m not entirely sure where this came from. Certainly when I started writing, I didn’t have a clue where it was heading, but I was quite pleased when the ending presented itself. Anyway, it’s nice to be in two such classy places as Eclectica and TVFH in one week. Nice picture, too.
Meanwhile it’s now less than four weeks to go to publication. Just hoping that if anyone ever reviews Mrs Darcy on Amazon, they’re a bit kinder than these two. Although I have to admit in retrospect the second one had a point. In the meantime, I’m trying to bump the figures up a bit on Mrs D’s Facebook page, so if you haven’t liked it/her yet, here’s where you need to go.
Aug
2
Special Relativity
Filed Under Family, Publications, The Literary World, The Publishing Industry | 4 Comments
… is now live in the very latest edition of Eclectica. Make of it what you will
In other news, the fight against the BBC short story cuts continues. The indefatigable Susie Maguire has written an eloquent piece here, whilst the Society of Authors have also vowed to keep the pressure on. If you haven’t signed the petition yet, please do so.
Finally, I don’t usually talk about my family here, but my stupendously talented daughter’s food blog has just gone live and I really think you should go and have a look at it. You’ll feel better for doing so, trust me.


