Competitions I’ve Been Listed In
Professor the said … (Top 25 Finalist, NYC Midnight “Tweet Me A Story” contest, 2011)
She seemed perfect … (Finalist and Audience Award Winner for round, NYC Midnight “Tweet Me A Story” contest, 2011)
She knew how to make an old man smile … (Finalist and Audience Award Winner for round, NYC Midnight “Tweet Me A Story” contest, 2010)
Tweets I’ve Had Published
They often watched porn together. She would lament the passé and banal interior design while he bemoaned the egregious lacunae in the plot.
— Cuento Magazine (@CuentoMag) January 23, 2015
“The test results are all negative,” said his doctor. “Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” he replied. “Not quite. It means you’re already dead.”
— Twiction Addiction (@TwictionAddict) August 24, 2014
The kitchen equipment manufacturer kept pestering me for an Amazon review. To be honest, though, I preferred his earlier wok. #vss
— Confettifall (@Confettifall) April 17, 2014
There was a new hairdresser in town called "Freudian Snips". I went in and asked for a cut and blow job. #vss
— Twiction Addiction (@TwictionAddict) April 1, 2014
Perfect Moment (One Forty Fiction, February 2011)
It started with sidelong glances at the meat counter. I bought sausages; she bought liver. “Fancy a mixed grill?” I said.
— PicFic (@picfic) October 7, 2010
It was the way we completed. … each other’s … sentences. It was the way we completed … each other.
— PicFic (@picfic) October 15, 2010
“Do you love me?” I said. “Love means never needing to say I love you,” she said. “Yes, but do you love me?” I said.
— PicFic (@picfic) October 22, 2010
When I called to collect my things, my Boba Fett figurine had been smashed into pieces. “You can glue it together, can’t you?” she said.
— PicFic (@picfic) November 4, 2010
(All four also here, as PicFic featured contributor, October 2010)
The villagers who lived under the statue of the Great Leader often wondered what the world beyond it looked like, and whether it had a sun.
— Nanoism (@nanoism) August 20, 2010
“So how long have you been a mutant?” I said, trying to make conversation. “All my goddamn life,” replied both heads in perfect unison.
— trapezemag (@trapezemag) August 10, 2010
Her origins were humble, but the clergy and gentry would all soon learn to respect her. One more square and she’d be a queen. @jonpinnock
— Seedpod Publishing (@seedpodpub) June 12, 2010
It was a vicious and unprovoked sidelong attack – from someone claiming to be a knight as well. But we were just pawns to him. @jonpinnock
— Seedpod Publishing (@seedpodpub) June 11, 2010
21 today, shouted the tyrant … (#VSS Anthology Volume 01, May 2010)
“Get a proper job,” said old man Blahnik … (#VSS Anthology Volume 01, May 2010)
“You’re right,” he said, when they’d finished … (#VSS Anthology Volume 01, May 2010)
“What big teeth you have, Grandma,” … (#VSS Anthology Volume 01, May 2010)
The travel guide was accurate, if a tad unhelpful. “For more information about Hell,” it said, “see below.”
— PicFic (@picfic) May 4, 2010
Terry peered at the steaming heap of undifferentiated cells and sighed. "Teleport engineer's arrived," he announced.
— thaumatrope (@thaumatrope) January 30, 2010
His attempt to commit all seven deadly sins in 2009 ended in failure. On reflection, it was probably a bad idea to start with sloth.
— Tweet the Meat (@tweetthemeat) January 6, 2010
When AI was incorporated into the surveillance cameras, they became more interested in watching each other. They left the rest of us alone.
— Outshine (@Outshine) December 12, 2009
They found him a desk on the trading floor and gave him his first challenge. It didn't take long to find a buyer for his soul. @jonpinnock
— Seedpod Publishing (@seedpodpub) December 2, 2009
— Seven By Twenty (@7×20) December 1, 2009
When she met him, the rain stopped, the clouds parted and the sun shone once more. The drought lasted the rest of her life. @jonpinnock
— escarp (@escarp) November 16, 2009
After the Rapture, tempers frayed in the long queue outside the pearly gates. “Loaves or fishes, anyone?” snickered Lucifer from his van.
— Tweet the Meat (@tweetthemeat) October 3, 2009