Benny Olafson

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Benny Olafson is a maverick Scandinavian food entrepreneur. His company Benisons is generally recognised to be the European market leader in the burgeoning high-end roadkill sector. His buccaneering style and frequent disregard for food safety laws has often brought him into conflict with the authorities, but his products remain inexplicably popular. However, the recent so-called Geigerburger incident, despite its felicitous outcome, has raised some questions as to Olafson's judgement.

The Geigerburger Incident

In 2017, the Łuszcząca się jak Skurwysyn[1] nuclear reprocessing plant in north-east Poland suffered a substantial leak, affecting a number of downstream farms. One of these was the source for Benisons' Supersonic Reindeer Burgers, although this didn't become general knowledge until some time after the event.


The Bristol PR company mKG.Q* was engaged to assist with managing what was infelicitously described as "the fallout" from this. There followed a dicey few days, during which the company's Wikipedia entry was at one point altered to describe Olafson as

a devious little VERY BAD WORD who wouldn't know a set of principles if it bit him in the bollocks

and the hashtag #geigerburgers began to trend on Twitter. In the end, the scandal faded away as quickly as it had arisen, mainly due to the fact that the irradiated meat turned out to be unexpectedly tasty.

Future Plans

Following the unforeseen outcome of the Geigerburger incident, Olafson dropped plans to introduce a line of Elk Balls and is now targeting the increasingly profitable MOUP[2] market with particular reference to post-Brexit Britain.


  1. This is supposed to translate as "Flaky as Fuck", although I have to admit my only source here is Google Translate. I'm not even sure if there are any nuclear reprocessing plants in Poland.
  2. Meat of Unspecified Provenance