The other good thing that’s happened in the last few days is that my workshop at the Get Writing 2012 conference has sold out. I’m really pleased about this because last time I did one, back in 2008, I had an audience of two plus some chums from the Verulam Writers’ Circle who took pity on me. Suppose I’d better get going on preparing my workshop then. But first I have a talk to Harrow Writers to do this Thursday – if you’re in the area, do drop in.

Mr and Mrs Darcy are also available to promote other products such as no-win-no-fee litigation, haemorrhoid cream and mechanically-reclaimed meat products. Drop me an e-mail and I’ll see what I can do. My fees are pretty reasonable.

And you are coming to the conference, aren’t you? Still a few place available on my workshop, but they’re going fast.

Bad things:

1. Being inside at a convention at the seaside on the hottest October day since records began.
2. Being allocated a bedroom in the basement with no windows but with a central light that glowed ominously throughout the night. Mrs P christened it the Pit of Despair. There’s probably a story there or at least a really bad review on TripAdvisor.
3. Those sausages at breakfast. Whoa.
4. A vague feeling that everyone else knew each other (a feeling that did seem to dissipate after an hour or two leaning against the bar, so it was probably just me).
5. Seriously, those sausages.

Good things:

1. Proxima being launched! Yay!
2. Finally meeting Steve Haynes and the rest of the Proxima crew (Charles Christian, Rob Harkess and Niall Boyce) and their respective partners.
3. Finally meeting Geoff Nelder as well as bumping into Adrian Chamberlin again. Also had brief chats with Simon Marshall-Jones and  Andy Bigwood.
4. Christopher Priest’s interview with Brian Alldis.
5. Oh yes, meeting Christopher Priest (although his reaction when I asked him if “A Dream of Wessex” was likely to make it back into print was oddly non-committal).
6. Mrs P, Son P and Daughter P gamely coming along to support the Embarrassing Family Member.
7. Mrs P buying a celebratory supper for the four of us at Jamie’s Italian.
8. Son P upholding the family name by partying until the early hours on Saturday night after I packed it in at 2AM.

I didn’t hang around for the prizegiving on Sunday, which is probably a good thing as there seems to have been some unpleasantness. I can’t really comment apart from saying that Sam Stone came along to the Proxima launch and therefore qualifies for Good Egg status.

Will I go again? Y’know, I think I might. Although I may well avoid the convention hotel next time.

What’s so good about this? Well, there are loads of really interesting and informative panels and workshops, as well as the opportunity to spend 3 or 5 minutes pitching directly to a leading agent or editor. Not only that, but for a small additional fee you can have the chance of 10 minutes’ face time. How cool is that?

Not only that, but this year I’m going to be running one of the workshops. Ah, now that made your ears prick up, didn’t it? Mine is called “Weird and Wonderful” and it’s all about unlocking the hidden power of your imagination. I’m really looking forward to this – should be a lot of fun.

So what are you waiting for? Go on, here’s where you need to go.

First of all, I really had planned to say something about the splendid “Get Writing” conference a couple of weekends ago, but everyone else who went seems to have overtaken me and written about it already, so it hardly seems worth it now. One thing that I will say was that possible the most interesting talk of the day came from Matt Bates, who is the fiction buyer for WHSmith Travel. I hadn’t heard anyone from the buying end of things talk before, and it was quite an eye-opener.

Basically he said that the single most important criterion for deciding whether or not a book makes it into one of his stores is the cover (the second most important criterion is how informative and interesting the blurb on the back is, by the way). The moment I heard this, I made it my mission for the rest of the day to get one of my postcards printed with Mrs Darcy’s cover into his hands – something that I actually achieved within ten minutes of his talk ending. The good news is that he really liked it. But then, who wouldn’t?

I happened to be in Bath last weekend, so I took a few of the postcards there with me, giving a couple to the young lad on the till in the Jane Austen Centre (“Awesome!”), one to Waterstones and one to another bookshop who reacted by saying they’d heard that the “first one” was being made into a film. Hmmm. Although does it really matter if I get confused with P&P&Z? I need to practice how I react to this

Today I had a fabbo day pretending to be a real author for a while by attending a lunchtime reception for new joiners at the Society of Authors and an evening launch party for Ed Siegle’s “Invisibles”, which looks as if it’s going to be a superb read. At the latter it was also nice to meet Alison MacLeod, who was one of the other authors involved in the National Short Story Week “Consequences” stunt. My combined intake of wine across the two events was quite high. I could get used to this.

Finally, when I got back this evening, I found that a particularly daft piece of mine (I know I’ve said that before, but, trust me, this one is dafter than average) is going to be published by The Pygmy Giant at the weekend. I’ve also been invited to contribute to another publication, but I’ll keep that one a little mysterious for the time being.

And I nearly forgot. My piece “Perfect Moment” was apparently one of OneFortyFiction’s most popular stories in February. Here it is again, in case you missed it.

If you don’t believe me (because, after all, I am slightly biased, being a member of the writers’ circle that’s organising it), read this account from one of last year’s attendees.

Here’s where you need to go to book. What more can I say? Get in there, and get in there fast, because it will sell out!

In other news, I’m heading down to Brighton tonight in the company of my good chum Oscar Windsor-Smith to read once more at Sparks. I’m going to be reading “Desert Culture” (as featured in the “50 Stories for Pakistan” anthology) and “Advice re Elephants”. Come along if you’re in the area – Sparks is always a great night out and an excellent way of driving the winter blues away.

Saturday was the day of the VWC’s “Get Writing” conference, now in its fourth year of existence. This time it was held at the University of Hertfordshire, just up the road from me and a place that will always have a special affection in the writing side of my heart (and if you want to know why, check out the Fiction page). Must admit, I’ve always been amazed at the way this thing has grown, year on year, and it’s an object lesson in what can happen if you dare to think big. (Which, incidentally, is why I’m extremely pleased to have Kate Nash as my agent – “Get Writing” was her idea, and in fact she was the guest of honour this year.)

So … what happened, then? Well, we had several talks from various agents, publishers and authors, giving a broad view of the publishing industry for wannabes from almost every possible angle. The most practical advice probably came from the agents and publishers (John Jarrold, Anna Power, Simon Taylor, Marlene johnson and Philip Patterson), although the writers themselves probably just shaded them for entertainment value. Mark Billingham in particular was hilariously indiscreet, using the skills acquired in his previous career as a stand-up comedian. I’ve heard both Adèle Geras and Imran Ahmad before at VWC-only events and they’re both excellent value. It’s worth mentioning Imran Ahmad in particular, as his autobiographical book “Unimagined” is in my opinion one of the most important books I’ve read in the last couple of years. It’s a quietly subversive masterpiece of militant moderation, and everyone should read it.

And that wasn’t all. Out of all the excellent workshops on offer, I picked Vanessa Gebbie’s one on “The Short Road to Success” and it was of course superb. It was lovely to meet Vanessa again, and I picked up several excellent nuggets of advice which I’ll use on the off chance that I ever find time to write any short stories again (only kidding – that’s one thing I’ll never be able to give up).

Last but not least, I had the opportunity to give a three-minute pitch to Simon Taylor of Transworld. This was, of course, deeply scary , although it was at least made more bearable by the fact that something clearly went wrong with the way time was operating in the room, resulting in the pitch actually lasting only thirty seconds. However, I think I managed to get my point across, and he seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. He could of course just have been polite.

It was also nice to meet some old friends and some new ones, including Helen Beal, who I’d previously only known on Twitter and Lindsey Mountford who I didn’t know at all before and who I also now know on Twitter.

Gosh, is that it? If you’d like to hear some more opinions, take a look here and here. I think the general consensus was that it was a rather good day, all in all.

And to fill up a bit of space, here’s a video of one of my favourite singers, Robyn Hitchcock, talking about the album I’ve been playing all week:

Go and buy a copy. Now. It’s gorgeous.